Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Non violent communication is a communication using your heart. It is not a new approach to communication but a well knowm and old communication that we should all know and make use of it. Marchall Rosenberg based his approach on a fact that we all should first understand and accept the needs of others. Intercultural mediation can easily benefit from this theory and implement it on each step and area.  The model of Non violent communication can soften almost each conflict situation and can help in understanding the variety of backgrounds, traditions, needs in  multicultural environment.

The Core nonviolence commitments by Miki Kashtan supprorts and contribute to non violent communication. You can put the commitments on display and use it daily.

These commitments are taken from

(…) The commitments serve as a compass, a reminder, a scaffolding that can hold us in living by choice in a world that is not of our choosing. Such an individual commitment to nonviolence, within a patriarchal world, means finding ways to transcend and transmute the legacy of scarcity, separation, and powerlessness. This means encountering and committing to transform the implicit ways we participate in responding to life according to the patriarchal frameworks we have all been exposed to. Each of the commitments, in one form or another, engages with and offers an alternative or antidote to one or more of the central mechanisms of patriarchy: controlling people and life, applying right/wrong frameworks to making sense of the world, seeing reality through an either/or lens, blaming and shaming self and others in response to whatever doesn’t work, and engaging in domination and submission as elemental forms of relationship.(…)

­­­­­ The Commitments by Miki Kashtan

Orienting towards Others

Loving No Matter What: Even when my needs are seriously unmet, I aim to keep my heart open. If I find myself beset with judgments, anger, or other strong reactions, I aim to seek support to learn from and transform my judgments and meet others with love.

Assumption of Innocence: Even when others’ actions or words make no sense to me, frighten me, or have a harmful impact, I aim to assume a need-based human intention behind them. If I find myself attributing ulterior motives, assigning labels, or analyzing others’ actions, I aim to seek support to ground myself in the premise that regardless of how far from serving life someone’s action appears to be, and even if I choose to use force for protection, ultimately their action is an attempt to meet needs no different from my own.

Empathic Presence: Even when others are in pain, disconnected from themselves, expressing intensity, or in judgment, I aim to maintain a relaxed presence with their experience. If I find myself attempting to fix, offering unsolicited advice, listening or speaking without heart connection, or turning my attention elsewhere, I aim to seek support to regain my faith in the transformative power and the gift of just being with another.

Generosity: Even when I am afraid or low-resourced, I aim to keep reaching out to offer myself to others and to respond to requests to share resources on the basis of needs. If I find myself contracting in fear or unwilling to give, I aim to seek support to release any thoughts of scarcity and embrace opportunities to participate in the flow of resources to where they are most needed.

Receptivity: Even when I am disconnected from my needs, I aim to make myself available to receive unconditionally what others and life offer me. If I find myself believing that I am less than or don’t deserve to have resources given to me, or resisting receiving in some other way, I aim to seek support to open to the flow of resources attending to my needs without expecting myself to give anything back.

Discernment and Courage: Even when I am aware of a potential cost of my actions, I aim to make my choices based on the strongest possible alignment with my purpose and values within a clear assessment of available data, resources, and information about short and long term effects, rather than based on fear. If I find myself hiding, justifying non-action, protecting myself based on habit, or rebelling without discernment, I aim to seek support to restore my capacity to live in integrity, persist in moving towards purpose, and accept the full range of results that then emerges.

Interacting with Others

Authenticity and Vulnerability: Even when I feel scared and unsure of myself, I aim to share the truth that lives in me with others while maintaining care and compassion for all. If I find myself hiding or protecting, I aim to seek support to embrace the opportunity to expand my sense of self and engage even if I may still experience shame or fear.

Availability for Feedback: Even when I want to be accepted and seen for my intentions, I aim to make myself available to receive feedback from others about the impact of my choices in order to learn and grow. If I find myself defensive or slipping into self-judgments, I aim to seek support to find the beauty and gift in what is being shared with me.

Offering Feedback: Even when I am afraid of potential conflict, I aim to create opportunities to offer honest, purposeful, and caring feedback to others as information to consider about the impact of their actions on me, others, and life. If I find myself withholding information that might benefit a relationship or a shared purpose, I aim to seek support to ground myself in the power of mindful feedback to increase capacity and connection.

Openness to Dialogue: Even when I am very attached to a particular outcome, I aim to remain open to shifting through dialogue. If I find myself defending a position or arguing someone else out of their position, I aim to seek support to release the attachment, connect with my needs and the needs of others, and reach for mutually beneficial strategies to emerge out of connection with needs.

Engaging with Conflict: Even when I have inner or outer obstacles to connecting with someone, I aim to move towards working out issues between us with assistance from others when needed and in a manner that cares for everyone’s physical and emotional well-being. If I find myself retreating from engagement, I aim to seek support to restore my willingness to seek healing, reconciliation, or learning through facing conflict, using the full range of available strategies, including mourning the current limits of any relationship.

Using Force with Care: Even when pathways of dialogue are closed and I come to believe that the only option for preventing imminent harm or damage is using force, I aim to remain steadfast with the choice to use the least amount of force possible with the most amount of love possible and to mourn the impossibility of a fully nonviolent response within a violent culture. If I find myself wishing to hurt or harm or closing my heart while using force, I aim to seek support to bring my intention back to maintaining love and care for the humanity and dignity of everyone and using force only for the purpose of protecting life and finding solutions that work for all. 

To continue go on

Miki Kashtan Ph.D.

Miki Kashtan, Ph.D., is a co-founder of Bay Area Nonviolent Communication (BayNVC) and Lead Collaboration Consultant at the Center for Efficient Collaboration. Miki aims to support visionary leadership and shape a livable future using collaborative tools based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication.